And It Begins
Today I went home early from work. I'm very grateful to have such an understanding boss. I came home to lay down for a bit during my lunch, but the pain that I experience everyday now just wouldn't abate. It feels like it is getting worse.
It is frustrating to think that you finally have one aspect of your life getting better, only to have something come along that makes what was happening before seem like it was nothing.
To expound on my situation, here is a bit of some background. I have Fibromyalgia. It manifested when I was seventeen. It is a lovely disease that we are still trying to figure out, but the main part is that I'm in pain all the time. Up until recently it hasn't been too bad compared to what my Mom and brother, Jordan, are experiencing. I could get through the day pretty okay, and ignore most of what I was feeling.
Along with the Fibromyaglia, I also have depression. I've never had it extensively tested, so I don't know if there is any further aspects to it. I've had signs of depression for a good portion of my life but only really started taking medication for it during my first semester of college. Since then I have been off and on anti-depressants.
The greatest manifestation for both of these diseases has been tiredness. I don't know if the pain and depression make me tired or the tiredness contributes to the pain and depression. Mostly it just seems like a vicious circle of the snake eating tail variety.
As a result I only got my first full time job at age 31. I had worked part-time always before that and lived with my parents. I struck out on my own though and ended up living in a city almost four hours from my parents and their support. I've been here since; barely making it.
Now to the present. For the last month, at most, I have been experiencing a new heightened amount of pain. The kind that makes me have to sit down, breathe, and try to get through the next hours. My sleeping has decreased even more and I am missing more days of work because all my normal go to's for managing my pain are not working.
I know that I need to go to a doctor and get it figured out, but I don't have insurance. I'm trying to remedy that, and I know that having no insurance is my fault. Always before though, it was cheaper to pay out of hand then to pay the premiums for insurance, and the insurance that is offered me through work isn't that great.
So to help me make progress in my life and find hope and joy in small things, my goal is to write on here at least once a week. It won't be about anything specific, but hopefully it will be about happiness.
It is frustrating to think that you finally have one aspect of your life getting better, only to have something come along that makes what was happening before seem like it was nothing.
To expound on my situation, here is a bit of some background. I have Fibromyalgia. It manifested when I was seventeen. It is a lovely disease that we are still trying to figure out, but the main part is that I'm in pain all the time. Up until recently it hasn't been too bad compared to what my Mom and brother, Jordan, are experiencing. I could get through the day pretty okay, and ignore most of what I was feeling.
Along with the Fibromyaglia, I also have depression. I've never had it extensively tested, so I don't know if there is any further aspects to it. I've had signs of depression for a good portion of my life but only really started taking medication for it during my first semester of college. Since then I have been off and on anti-depressants.
The greatest manifestation for both of these diseases has been tiredness. I don't know if the pain and depression make me tired or the tiredness contributes to the pain and depression. Mostly it just seems like a vicious circle of the snake eating tail variety.
As a result I only got my first full time job at age 31. I had worked part-time always before that and lived with my parents. I struck out on my own though and ended up living in a city almost four hours from my parents and their support. I've been here since; barely making it.
Now to the present. For the last month, at most, I have been experiencing a new heightened amount of pain. The kind that makes me have to sit down, breathe, and try to get through the next hours. My sleeping has decreased even more and I am missing more days of work because all my normal go to's for managing my pain are not working.
I know that I need to go to a doctor and get it figured out, but I don't have insurance. I'm trying to remedy that, and I know that having no insurance is my fault. Always before though, it was cheaper to pay out of hand then to pay the premiums for insurance, and the insurance that is offered me through work isn't that great.
So to help me make progress in my life and find hope and joy in small things, my goal is to write on here at least once a week. It won't be about anything specific, but hopefully it will be about happiness.
Comments
Post a Comment